Thinking Techniques
- Identify your automatic thoughts when you are angry, anxious or sad. What are the advantages and disadvantages to your thought?
- What cognitive distortions (errors in thinking or reasoning are you using?
- What if your thought is true--what if your spouse is not paying attention to you--why does that bother you?
- What is the evidence for your thinking? For example, if you label your spouse as unloving, is there any evidence for and against this label?
- What are the underlying assumptions? Your "should" statements? What are the advantages and disadvantages of your assumptions?
- If you had a friend who had this problem, what would you advise them to do?
- Are there less negative explanations for your partner's behaviour?
- What is your role in the conflict? Do you provoke? Do you ignore his/her positives? What alternative adaptive behaviour could you use in the future?
- You may think that what has happened is awful. Think about what happened along a continuum-- what could be worse? Are you looking at things out of proportion to what they are?
- What could you do to correct the situation in the future?
